War on Christmas Issue

So, yeah… one day Bill O’Reilly must have looked around him and in his crankiest, craziest, old hypocrite voice decided to bellow about how the values of “Christmas” have eroded away in this country and that the only logical explanation is that a concerted effort by the godless elite is stripping the good ol’ USA of all of it’s solid, pure Christian values. You know, like torturing terrorists and hating black authority figures because they’re black. Obviously these core values are being replaced with some form of religious tolerance and free flu shots or some crazy fucking shit like that. Horrifying. The irony of course is that Christmas only became a commercialized, secular, cultural phenomenon because of the capitalistic freedoms our country is built on and that guys like O’Reilly love to defend. It’s been this way since you were a kid, Bill. You’re fighting a war that you’ve made up in your own festering brain-swamp. You fucking ass.

Happy holidays, everybody.